Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
