This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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