you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
