When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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