y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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