Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
