WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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