No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
