to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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