i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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