Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
