Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
