We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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