Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
