I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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