The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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