I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
