in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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