Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
