Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
