Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
