My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
