Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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