and you said cock pushups were impossible
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize