Your dad touched me again.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
