Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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