shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
