Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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