Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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