Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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