I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
