WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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