non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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