to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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