1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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