24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
