dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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