Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
