bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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