I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
