That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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