I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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