so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
either way he was missing a nipple.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize