Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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