it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
don't judge my taste in strippers
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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