my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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