8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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