you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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