My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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