Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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