Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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