The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
