So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
