Please, let me fuck your mom
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
