is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
