i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
