My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
