and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
