Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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