You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
