So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
