I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
