The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
