I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
