Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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