I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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