when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
