Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
