What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
