Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
