omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
